The Day I Learned to Forgive

It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong did. A Murphy’s Law kind of day. I was in my twenties, working as a desktop support analyst, and the dominoes were falling fast. A critical system that served many customers went down. Key people were away. And the one guy across town—our go-to for all things dire—was on a staycation.

Business had come to a halt, and I was left holding the bag. I pulled every string I could think to pull, but nothing worked. Finally, I made a choice I wasn’t supposed to make. I called the server room and told the tech to reboot the server.

That call was way above my pay grade. But desperate times call for desperate measures. And you know what? It worked. Customers were back online. Crisis averted.

Except… it wasn’t over.

A higher-up had already decided to call in the “big gun” from his staycation. Suddenly, I was on the phone with him and a room full of server team folks. And let’s just say—it wasn’t a friendly chat. I was raked over the coals, publicly and harshly. My choice had fixed the problem, but stepping outside my duties made people very, very mad.

I walked away humiliated.

And I didn't realize that I carried that humiliation like a stone in my pocket. For years.

In fact, twenty years later, I could still remember that day out of the blue. My heart would race. My face would flush red. And I would feel the same anger all over again. That’s when I realized something: I wasn’t free. I was still chained to that moment.

Scripture speaks to this so clearly: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31–32). But I hadn’t done that. I was holding onto bitterness, and it was holding onto me.

So, I did something I should have done a long time ago. I forgave him.

I found him online, told the story, and told him I forgave him for the pain he'd caused me. I expected nothing in return. But to my surprise, not only did he remember me—he remembered that day. And he thanked me for my message.

In that moment I was reminded of Paul’s words: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). Forgiveness is never easy, but it is the way of Christ.

Today, fifteen years after that act of forgiveness, I no longer relive the anger. Instead, I carry a story about the power of forgiveness—and the healing that comes with it.

Forgiveness didn’t change the past. But it set me free in the present.

And Jesus was clear about how central this is: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14). Forgiveness isn’t a suggestion. It’s a calling.

If you’ve got a story like that—one that still makes your pulse quicken and your jaw tighten. Maybe it’s time to forgive.